LETTING GO OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE DEEPLY

Have you been dumped, betrayed or left so heartbroken that you didn't ever want to love again? Are you still stuck on an ex and don't know how to move on? And how do you know when it's time to let go and look for love somewhere else? 

1-Are your standards too low? What is it about you that causes you to settle for somebody that you know will cheat on you, know will lie to you, know will make a commitment and then break it? What is it about you that you believe about yourself that you're willing to settle for that? Recognize that you're settling and that you deserve more. Set a higher standard for yourself.

2-Does he really even make you happy? Be honest with yourself about the extent to which he's really meeting your needs. Chances are you're longing for the relationship that you wish it could be, and that you want to be in love with the person you wish he was.There are times when you break up with somebody and you start missing them and you start thinking about all the good things. And then you're back with them for about 10 minutes and you go 'Oh yeah! Now I remember why I hate you!'" Don't kid yourself about what it was really like or glorify the past. 

3-Don't wait around because you think he's going to change. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so the chance that he's going to ride in on his white horse and do the right thing is pretty slim. To the extent that there's some history, you don't have to speculate, you just have to measure."

4-Don't put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that's holding you back from a better future. As long you are obsessed on this guy, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one. Set some goals and start putting your life back together.

5-Ask yourself: Are you hiding in the relationship so you don't have to face the reality of being on your own? Don't stay with someone because it's comfortable and safe. It may seem more secure, but it's not healthy for you and it certainly won't help you get to a better place. Why would you want to settle and waste your life away just to avoid getting back in the game?

6-learn to trust again — by trusting yourself. Trust is not about how much you trust one person or another to do right or wrong. How much you trust another person is a function of how much you trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections. Have enough faith in yourself to be able to put yourself on the line with someone, without any guarantee of what will happen next. If you're playing the game with sweaty palms, it's because you're afraid of what you can or can't do, or dealing with your own imperfections — it's not about the other person.

7-Know that you will get hurt if you're in a relationship. There is no perfect person without flaws. Even a well-intended guy is going to hurt his partner. He's going to hurt your feelings. He's going to say things that you don't want him to say. He's going to do things you wish he wouldn't do and not do things you wish he would do. A relationship is an imperfect union between two willing spirits who say, ''I'd rather be in a relationship and share my life, share my joys, share my fun, share my activities, share my life than do it alone." If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it. 

8-Don't invest more than you can afford to lose. While it's important to move forward, you need to take things one step at a time. Don't put so much out there that you'll be emotionally bankrupt if things go south. 

9-Don't beat yourself up. You got through your last experience, you've learned from it, and now it's time to move forward. say to yourself, "You'll move on and be a champion in your next endeavor as you did in your past ... Life is not a success-only journey. You are going to get beat up along the way."

  

10-Listen to what he's saying. If he's telling you that you want different things out of life and there's no way you can work as a couple, don't turn his words around into what you want to hear. He's being quite clear.

11-and lastly Focus on yourself. All of us come into relationships with baggage, but you need to have closure on past experiences before you can start a new relationship with the odds in your favor. Unless and until you've figured out everything you've got to figure out about that and you get closure, you will never come into a relationship with a fresh and clean heart and mind and expectancy and attitude.You're probably not ready to get into another relationship until you heal the wounds of your past. 

THINGS WE MISTAKE FOR LOVE

Love is a complicated thing, probably most complicated of all but how to know we are in love or most important how to know that its not love.i hear a lot of people saying that love hurts so what is about love that hurts
my article will hopefully will try to explain the things we all mistake for love

LOVE IS COMPLETE ACCEPTANCE OF OTHER PERSON , IT IS UNCONDITIONAL AND SELFLESS

so in other words when we love we dont need to change anything about other person because we accept them for who they are ,we dont find any fault in other person
unconditional means regardless of what they do, it wont affect our love and selfless means we dont want anything in return from the person we love, we just wanna give.

so how to know you ARE NOT  in love,

signs you arent in love

1-when you are seeking love, or  marriage then its not love , why we are seeking, what we want, if we look closely and  discover we will find that we just want to be happy and we think getting someone to love us will make us happy and we try to that fill open position, but  think about it, we are just using that person  for being happy, using their love so that we may feel better, isnt it true?

2- second things is when we try to change or improve someone that isnt love ,now point is why we do that,  why we try to change someone  or change how they act or behave ,its because we think  that will make us happy, so we try to change them to make us happy, about our self and our future  so if we change someone to make us happy ,then we are not accepting them for who they are and using them for make us happy, and using someone is not love

3-third thing is that we think that having positive thoughts about someone is love.what happens actually is that when we have positive thoughts about someone then we are meeting our thoughts, loving our thoughts,which creates a wall between us and we are just meeting that thoughts ,we aint connecting.its okay if its a little complicated

also if we have positive thoughts about a person then by nature we are gonna have negative thoughts about that person  , we cant match someone concept of perfect because lets face it , nobody is perfect

So as long as we are gonna have ideas about what is great about that person , we also gonna have ideas about what is not great about that person or they will change
most common example is if we are attracted to their looks, if thats the case then its gonna hurt in future because looks will change .so thats why it aint love.

4-now onto the next point.A lot of times we confuse excitement for love specially in the beginning of a relationship when we find somebody and say ''Oh i have found someone who will make me happy'', i dont have to continue looking, he or she makes me so happy, i get butterflies when i am with that person, its so overwhelming ,well  there is  nothing wrong about it but these thoughts are created by the positive thoughts about future we have in our mind when we are with that person and its nothing related to love ,
there is nothing wrong with it and its okay ,alright to have this feeling  but excitement goes eventually when we stay with them longer and sees the real personality of that person

5- next thing is that when we want our partner to do things for us then in that moment its not love
we say if u love me you would appreciate me more, if you love me you would cook for me or spend time with me more, sacrifice for me
we have a false  concept that love is sacrificing or filling my needs but its not love its using someone

if we love someone we dont want anything from that person if they dont feel compelled to act and
if we love them why we want them to sacrifice for us  unless they want to, so when we asking them to fill our  needs then  its not love ,its selfishness and its okay its how we are  trained to act in relationship,  but in that moment its not love

6- sixth thing which we confuse to be love is the thought that we have heard so many times

I LOVE HOW YOU MAKE ME FEEL

so if you are with somebody then you will love how they make you feel when you are around them, we feel good when they compliment us,it creates  positive thinking, distracting us from other things, our other problems currently in our life , so we think in that moment we love them but in reality we actually love or enjoy how we feel around them ,
its fine but reason it is not love because when we love a person only because  if that person  make us feel good then we are gonna hate that person  when he or she will make us feel bad so its conditional on how we feel, it isnt love , not in that moment at least

7-the final thing which we mistake for love  is if we are afraid to lose somebody's love and afraid of not getting love in return then in that moment its not love because love wants nothing in return.

so if we are afraid of losing love then unconditionally we are saying i would be happy if we have their love and i am scared of loosing their love so if u r afraid of losing love then u saying that i want to love that person  so that i can get love in return ,
its not loving unconditionally at least in that moment , we are not loving for sake of it,
its true that love is about letting go,


when we love we love , love is how we are, it is not fear, its selfless, it doesnt demand anything nor it ask for anything

all these things which i mentioned above  are not problems nor i am saying its our fault entirely  because thats how we r programmed throughout life to act  but still all these points may help you figuring out if you are really in love or not

we think getting love will make us happy but in reality fulfillment comes from giving love, loving others unconditionally selflessly and without compromises